We were taught that change is supposed to hurt
Most of us learned the same story about change.
If you want better habits, you have to be tougher.
If you want results, you have to suffer a little.
If it feels hard, that means it is working.
So we build our lives out of tiny acts of self-punishment. Cold showers. Brutal schedules. Harsh rules. Food we do not enjoy. Exercise we secretly hate. We try to bully ourselves into becoming the person we think we should be.
And then we wonder why, a few weeks later, everything quietly falls apart.
It is not because you lack discipline. It is because your brain is not designed to run on punishment.
Your brain runs on reward, not willpower
Your brain is designed to move toward what feels good and away from what feels bad. That is not a character flaw. That is biology.
Every habit you have, from brushing your teeth to checking your phone, exists because at some point your brain learned that doing it created a reward. Sometimes that reward is pleasure. Sometimes it is relief. Sometimes it is simply a sense of safety or control. But without some form of reward, the habit never sticks.
This is how habits actually form. A cue triggers a behavior, the behavior creates a reward, and the brain decides whether it is worth repeating. When the reward is missing, the loop breaks.
Most people design their habits backwards. They create the behavior but forget the reward. Or worse, they add punishment on top of it. They wake up early, force themselves through a workout, feel miserable, and then criticize themselves for not enjoying it. From the brain’s point of view, that routine is a threat, not a path to growth.
So it avoids it. Every time.
Why discipline burns most people out
This is why relying on discipline alone works for a small number of people and burns out everyone else. Some nervous systems thrive on intensity and pressure. Most do not. Most of us function best when we feel emotionally safe, supported, and gently motivated.
If your nervous system is already overwhelmed, stressed, or exhausted, adding more force on top does not create change. It creates resistance.
The real secret to sustainable habits is surprisingly simple. You have to make them feel good.
That does not mean every habit needs to feel amazing all the time. It means your brain needs something positive to attach to it. A small pleasure. A moment of comfort. A sense of ritual. A signal that this is a safe and rewarding thing to do.
Rituals work because they speak to the nervous system
This is why rituals work better than routines.
A routine is just a list of actions. A ritual is an experience. It has atmosphere. It has feeling. It has something that tells your nervous system, we are entering a different state now.
Think about how different it feels to sit down and work in silence versus sitting down with a specific scent, a warm drink, and a familiar playlist. The task might be the same, but your body experiences it completely differently.
That is not fluff. That is neuroscience.
When you pair a behavior with a sensory reward, you create a shortcut in the brain. The smell, taste, sound, or texture becomes a cue that says, this is the moment we do this thing. Over time, that cue alone can trigger focus, calm, or motivation.
This is how habits stop feeling like effort and start feeling like something you want to return to.
How to make habits your brain actually wants
The goal is not to become a more disciplined person. The goal is to design habits your brain trusts.
Start small. Choose a behavior you want to repeat. Then give it something gentle and pleasant to lean on. Maybe it is a scent you only use while journaling. Maybe it is a gummy that marks the start of focused work. Maybe it is a certain tea you drink before stretching. It does not matter what it is. What matters is that your nervous system begins to associate the habit with something it enjoys.
Over time, the habit becomes less about forcing yourself and more about entering a familiar, supportive state.
Why pleasure builds habits that last
This is why pleasure-based habits are more effective in the long run. Punishment creates a cycle of trying, failing, feeling ashamed, and starting over. Pleasure creates a cycle of starting, enjoying, repeating, and slowly becoming the kind of person who just does the thing.
You do not wake up one day with perfect willpower. You wake up one day realizing that the habit no longer feels heavy.
That is real change.
At BlumiLABS, everything we make is built around this idea. We design sensory anchors that help people attach good feelings to healthy behaviours. Scent, taste, and ritual are not indulgences. They are tools. They help the brain learn that caring for itself is safe, comforting, and worth repeating.
You do not need to punish yourself into becoming better.
You need to make becoming better feel good.
That is how habits last.
0 comments